It’s days like today that I miss you. For the past five spring seasons, I spent at least 3 out of 7 nights with you a week just taking walks outside, doing absolutely nothing but talking and walking. I miss that. I miss us just rambling on for hours about meaningless nonsense. I miss laughing with you until I couldn’t breath. It’s days like today that remind me of all the amazing memories I have with you and how badly I wish I could relive some of them.

The person who once filled my stomach with butterflies, now turns my stomach sour. The person I looked at and saw comfort, I now look at as a monster. The person who meant the world to me is starting to mean nothing at all.

I honestly never thought there would come a day when you and I were no longer in each other’s lives. I always thought that no matter what happened, we would always be friends but you lied to me, betrayed me and completely broke my heart. I trusted you with everything and did everything in my power to make you happy and that still wasn’t enough for you. You still felt the need to completely fuck me over. Thinking about all the things you’ve done to me since we first met makes me so angry and upset, I could throw up. But you know what really gets to me the most? The fact that I don’t hate you. After everything you’ve put my through, I still have a soft spot in my heart for you. There’s still a huge part of me that misses you and wants my best friend back. Even though you completely destroyed me in so many ways, I still love you. You were one of the best friends I could ever ask for before all this happened. You were there for me whenever I needed you and you always made me smile when I felt like such shit inside. But all that is in the past now and I have to keep reminding myself that. The fact that I have to make a conscious effort to remember all the hurt you’ve caused me and I can’t just hate you for it, makes me hate myself.